


5th Year of Christmas

by sodakooh



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, THATS A FALSETTOS REFERENCE H A H, and since there’s a lack of churchtarts here, i rise and obey, merry crimmis, this was for a secret santa in the bom amino, whizzer deserves better.......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 17:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodakooh/pseuds/sodakooh
Summary: 5 christmases without her, and each year is harder than the last for Chris.That is, until he finally realizes James Church is the support and strength Chris needed all along.





	5th Year of Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> happy holidabs you radical pineapples
> 
> here’s some churchtarts for your troubles
> 
> it’s trash though since i’ve never written them before yeet

5 years; 60 months; 260 weeks; 1825 days.

Chris had always been told that one day, it would get better. He was told that one day, he wouldn’t feel the guilt, or the sadness, or the loneliness of losing his younger sister.

And at some point in his life, he got there.

But every single year, like clockwork, Christopher fell into a state of intense sadness around the holidays. Every single time the leaves started to fall, the depression slowly crept back in because he knew what was going to happen.

Another year without his little sister running around, making her special cocoa, practically shining with excitement; another year without her busting into his room promptly at 6:30, urging him to come downstairs; another year without her blonde locks messily braided because of her hurry to get everyone downstairs on christmas morning.

He didn’t have his sister around anymore, but there in Uganda, things were... pretty good.

Sure, people died often and sure, there wasn’t much to do or many resources, but the souls of those who lived there were strong and sweet - not to mention those who came from away.

They all had their differences, but all of them - both ex-Missionaries and Ugandans - came together and shared one life for two years.

Well, almost two years.

It was Decenber 25th - the second one spent in Uganda with the other elders. Connor had taken it upon himself (with the insistent help of Kevin) to decorate the entire hut to bring the christmas mood.

Needles to say, when Chris and the others came back to the hut after their daily activities with the Ugandans, Connor and Kevin had decorated the place with small snowflakes, colourful tinsel, and one extremely dead tree as a makeshift christmas tree.

“Gosh, this looks amazing!” Arnold gaped, doing a little twirl in the living room. “You guys did a great job!”

Connor chuckled light-heartedly. “Well, this one here did almost all of cutting and folding for the snowflakes, as you can see,” he said then hip bumped Kevin, who was caught off guard and stumbled a little bit. “The amount of paper cuts he has is crazy.”

Chris chuckled softly, watching as Kevin tried hiding the few bandages around his fingers. As he watched the other elders interact, giving hugs and passing around something that was supposed to be the Ugandan version of hot cocoa, Chris felt a sudden painful reminder of home.

* * *

 

_”Okay! So, Chrissy, I want you to close your eyes and tell me which one you like better!” a preppy voice said, cupping her hands around Chris’ blue eyes._

_“Okay, okay. Just - hold on, let me sit down before I knock something over, Sammy,” Chris said, laughing._

_Chris slowly felt a pair of smaller hands guide him to a chair, where he got a whiff of wonderful-smelling hot cocoa._

_”Alright! Just a heads up, these are both new recipes, so... keep that in mind,” Samantha said, “and keep your eyes closed!”_

_”Alright, alright! I promise.”_

* * *

 

Chris felt a few small tears collect at the back of his eyes. He took in a small breath, trying to calm himself down in front of all the others.

“Chris!” Connor called out, walking up to him with a small white cup in his hands. “Here’s your drink! It’s, uh, not really as rich and creamy as the hot cocoa back home but... it’s good!”

Chris looked at the cup, and something about the way the other was holding it made him suddenly feel alone, and scared, and sad, and guilty.

“I’m sorry,” Chris choked out, “I have to finish something. I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back.”

The blond didn’t wait for Connor to answer before he turned around and walked away (and he knew he would need to talk about it later with the District Leader). He could feel a pair of eyes on him, but Chris didn’t bother looking back. Instead, he went into his and Connor’s room, carefully closing the door to prevent it looking ominous.

Once he was sure it was closed, Chris finally allowed himself to sink to the floor, hugging himself and letting silent tears roll down his face.

The blond didn’t have much time to himself, however, because there was a hesitant knock at his door. As soon as he heard the voice, Chris froze.

“Chris? Are you in there?” called James from the other side.

Chris almost immediately stumbled to his feet, wiping his eyes with his palms. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m here. Did you need something?” he asked, praying that the answer would somehow be no.

“Uh... kind of? Can I come inside?” James asked, and Chris cursed himself for not having a mirror in his room so he could make sure he didn’t have a blotchy red face.

Praying to Heavenly Father he looked somewhat decent, Chris took a breath. “Yeah, sure,” he called, then opened up the slightly creaky door.

Standing in front of him was a tall figure with a certain softness and joy to his gaze. The look quickly faded the longer James looked at him, and Chris felt his stomach twist.

“Chris, are you okay? Why is your face all red?” James asked, putting something on the floor so that he could place both hands on Chris’ shoulders.

Chris shook his head, not exactly wanting to talk about it with anyone. “I’m okay! Just - don’t worry about it.”

James frowned deeper. “Chris, is today-“

“I said I’m good! What did you ne—“

_“Christopher.”_

The blond closed his mouth, the sound of his full first name immediately shutting him up. He slowly unclenched his fists that he hadn’t realized he had clenched, looking up at James’ warm and worried chocolate eyes.

Truthfully, he didn’t know what triggered it - whether it was the warmth that suddenly drowned Chris, or if it was the soft, “It’s the 5th year without her, isn’t it...” that resonated near his ears. What he did know was one moment he was standing and looking at James, and the next he clung to James, dampening his shirt with salty tears.

Sometime between his sobs, James had lead them both to the bed, sitting down at the edge while his hands rubbed Chris’ back.

“I’m sorry,” Chris muttered out, trying to pull himself away so he could collect himself again. James allowed him to, which Chris was thankful for, and wiped away some of his tears.

“Don’t apologize. I understand,” James said in a hushed voice, only making Chris feel that much more comfortable. “I, uh, I’m sorry for intruding. You probably came here to be alone, so I can leave if you—“

Before his brain knew what was happening, he had already said, “No.” He took a breath, then in a calmer voice added, “Please don’t.”

James, a light shade of pink on his face, nodded slowly. “Okay... okay, I won’t.”

Chris nodded as well, avoiding eye contact with the other. In that position, he suddenly felt vulnerable, and frail, but being in James’ presence was somehow... comforting.

He wanted to be held by James. He wanted to drown in the warmth and the security his arms brought. He wanted to lose himself in those beautiful brown eyes of his.

And that’s when he realized it.

He wanted James.

Chris looked at James, tears no longer streaming and face a little less blotchy. In one swift motion, he put his hand on James’ cheek and pushed himself higher to meet his soft lips.

He could tell James was caught off guard by the small flinch, and Chris wondered if he had made a mistake. That worry ebbed away as soon as he felt the other’s hand caress his lower back and begin kissing back.

When they finally pulled away from each other, both had a bright redness to their complexions. Chris put his hands on his cheeks, sputtering nervously.

“Oh gosh I’m sorry for pushing that onto you! I, uh, that wasn’t supposed to - I don’t know what came over me—“

James chuckled, and the beautiful sound made Chris’ heart skip a beat. “It’s okay. It was... great. It’s the best christmas gift I’ve gotten in a long time,” James said, and Chris couldn’t help but laugh nervously, the butterflies in his stomach going out of control.

“Should, uh,” he started, “should we get back to the others? I was... kind of rude to Connor.”

James laughed softly as well, running his fingers gingerly through the blond hair.

Chris made a mental note to have him do that more often.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied, helping Chris get up off the bed (even though it wasn’t necessary). As they were on their way out of the room, the shorter boy noticed James pick something up; it was a box that was neatly wrapped in some multi-coloured paper.

“What’s that?” Chris asked curiously.

“Oh, it was for you but... I’ll just make you open it tomorrow morning,” James answered, hiding the small box out of Chris’ line of sight with a grin.

“Wha? Don’t just leave me in the dark like that!” he explained, a smile appearing on his face too.

The two of them walked back into the living room, where they were immediately handed mugs and laughter and joy filled the air.

And for the first time in a long while, Chris’ holiday season was much more bearable.


End file.
